You’ve been trying to meet someone. You’ve tried the “friend of a friend” route, the “check out the bar scene” route, and/or the “swipe left or right” route. You’ve tried being set up by friends, family, and sometimes even a matchmaker. Whatever the route, you’ve finally connected with someone. Congratulations! That’s great!
However, you may have some doubts, which is normal. In this new age comes a new age of dating. It used to be that you came across someone either through a mutual friend or family member. They were your “screening process” and could tell you all about the person and whether or not they were “normal” or “safe”. But now it’s not all that easy is it? You literally stare at a tiny photo on a phone screen and decide just by looking at them (or who they claim they are) on whether or not they are worth taking a leap of faith on, and in turn, letting them into your heart. Scary stuff.
Now remember that not everyone online is a “pretender,” but there are a few out there that are mixed in with the “good ones” like yourself that are simply looking for a special someone to have a relationship with and, dare I say it, “a lifetime with”, but it should be kept in mind that at the end of the day, you really have no idea if that cute 20 something-year-old blonde girl with the dreamy eyes that says all the right things is your soulmate, or a sixty-year-old guy living in his mother’s basement with a beer belly who hasn’t showered in a week, but will eventually try to convince you to wire him – I’m sorry, I mean “her” the money for a plane ticket so you two can finally meet and “make magic together”.
You see, these scam artists are very good at what they do. They basically trick you into falling in love with them without actually meeting them first. Then suddenly, there will be an emergency of some type that requires money and you will be fooled into thinking that you are the one offering it and not being fooled into sending it. It’s very mean and very cruel to play with people’s emotions like that, but they will.
In some extreme circumstances, these people can be dangerous and will try to convince their target to meet with them at a secluded place and will rob them or worse. If you come away with any advice from this blog make it this – NEVER meet someone in person that you have not met before unless it is in a VERY public place. I used to have an agreement with my buddy from college that if there was an issue, she would send me a text that said “I’ll be late”. If I saw that, I would call and make up some excuse why she needed to come back to “our place in Astoria Heights” right away. Now I was nowhere near Astoria Heights, but the person in front of her didn’t know that. She didn’t even live in Astoria Heights – she lived in Corona Heights, but she wouldn’t let them know that until after she had them checked out. You always need an exit plan when meeting someone for the first time. If you don’t have a friend at your disposal to help you, meet for the first time in a bar that is often crowded. Go directly to the bar and make sure to let the bartender know that you are meeting someone for the first time. If the person shows up and you feel at all concerned or worried for your safety, order an “angel shot”. This is a popular clue to the bartender that you are in danger and they will take it from there. You can learn all about this online. It is a valuable tool for women and men to use, especially in this era of online dating. There are different “types” for different “scenarios”, but regardless, if you say “angel shot,” they should know what you mean. Regardless, just make sure that you do not leave with the person or go anywhere alone until someone is there to help you.
But not all wolves are local. We have had several cases over the years where people – mostly older women, often widowed, will come across the wrong person online when they are finally ready to try love again. They find what appears to be a very caring, understanding person that is very interested in them that suddenly is in need of funds for some reason or another. You do what any person in a relationship would do and offer to help the one you love through this difficult time. Then, once the money is wired to some random Western Union in a food store somewhere you never hear from them again. We had a case with a widow in Downtown Flushing, NY that fell into such a trap. She met a handsome widower online at a popular site and “fell in love”. They corresponded for over six months when he proclaimed that she was the one and he wanted to meet her in person. She was thrilled! He said that he had a “surprise” for her and he could not wait to give it to her the moment he saw her in the airport. The day before the flight from his country overseas, he was robbed and they took everything, including the “first-class ticket” to see her. So, of course, our client was happy to wire him the money for the ticket and the spending money he would need for the hotel, etc. which amounted to about $5,000. As soon as she sent the money, however, she was given excuse after excuse as to why he could not make it until finally, there was radio silence and this poor lonely widow was out $5,000 and all she had to show for it was a broken heart. Her “big surprise” was that this con artist had taken her money and was off to work on the next target.
All too often when you have gotten to this point, there is not much that can be done. These people are very good at hiding in the dark web and in most cases are almost impossible to find once they have disappeared into cyberspace. However, there are some ways to cut them off before they start by verifying they are who they say they are. It’s actually not as hard as you think and yes, it can be kept confidential so that they have no clue that you are checking on them.
The first thing you should do is very casually “get to know them” by asking innocent questions such as:
- Where are your ancestors from? What is your last name?
- Where do you live now?
- Where did you grow up?
- How old are you?
- When is your birthday?
- What kinds of hobbies do you have?
- Are you on any social media? I’d love to see a picture of you. What is your name on that platform?
- What’s your email address so I can send you a photo of my pet?
- What type of car do you drive?
- Do you have any siblings?
- Tell me about your family.
- What are your Mom and Dad’s names?
Please don’t go down the list and treat it like an inquisition. But mix these questions into a few conversations. Write down everything. If nothing else, these are great questions to get to know the person better. Now in a few weeks, start to ask these questions again and see how many answers match. If they do not, be very aware that the person on the other end may not be who they say they are. But if they do match, it is a great way to get to know each other and great information that we need in order to run a background check.
Background checks are perfect when you are ready to find a “special someone” and want to make sure that “what you see is really what you get”. This holds especially true for people that are ready to get back out into the world after their spouse has passed away or a divorce situation. You want to make sure that you protect yourself and your children from whomever you bring home, and this is a great way to do that. We do a combination of deep-dive data searches and social media searches to see if there is anything concerning “Miss or Mr Wonderful”. We will share the good, bad and ugly with you so you can make an educated decision on whether you want to “love them or leave them” and most importantly, to make sure that they are who they claim to be. Not too long ago we came across a person that claimed to be a businessman in downtown Brooklyn and turned out to be a con artist in Texas. We found that through our searches. If only the person involved would have come to us beforehand, we would have been able to save them $20,000. All it would have cost to do this would have been a $500 background search. What a shame.
Here at Investigreat, we still want to believe in love and wish everyone out there who is still looking for “Mr or Miss Right” the best of luck. We know many people who have met their spouses or fiances through various sites. All we are suggesting is to “test the waters first”. It’s like when you hit one of those big-name businesses like Costco. You don’t want the 5lb bag of snacks until you try one first. Otherwise, you will be left with 5 pounds of something that leaves a bad taste in your mouth. So consider a background check your “sample” to see if this particular person is worth taking a chance on with your heart. If nothing else, you’ll sleep better knowing that they are who they say they are. And that is a good way to start what could be a whole new adventure, don’t you think?
Investigreat, LLC is a recognized full service Private Investigation Agency that is fully licensed, insured and bonded, handling cases all over Connecticut as well as Queens NY, Brooklyn NY, Bronx NY, New York City, Staten Island and Long Island NY. Terri, along with her husband Adam, have been working cases for Legal Teams, Insurance Companies, Private Businesses, Municipalities, School Systems and general investigation services for the public since 1992.
Investigreat, LLC | Private Investigators serving Connecticut, Long Island City, Jamaica NY, Brooklyn NY and Queens NY | Office Numbers: 860-899-1710 or 718-412-1845 | Text: 718-309-1269